SOS Marriage Care

2009 and the Family

2010-01-02T15:46:00.002-06:00

As I read an email from Tom Minnery, Senior Vice President, Government & Public Policy at Focus on the Family entitled "2010, Standing For the Family...with your help" I was saddened by the first paragraph that read:

As I wrote to you a short time ago, 2009 will go down in history as ushering in the most damaging policies for families that we've ever seen in our lifetimes. Our president and Congress initiated an agenda of "change" that included pro-abortion, pro-gay policies, anti-faith and anti-family legislation and appointments. We have faced the ongoing attempts to include abortion funding in government-run health care. But despite all this, Focus on the Family® has continued to protect the institution of the family.

At the same time I was once again thankful for Focus on the Family and FamilyLife, two large para church organizations that support Christian family values in America. I pray now that as we follow in their footsteps to set out and start a Faith Based Non Profit Marriage Ministry, SOS Marriage Care, that we will continue to encourage marriage and families to be all God intended them to be.

Humbled by the work of Focus on the Family and FamilyLife and humbled that God is using us as well. Mind you, not in comparison to their large endeavor and organization, just as encouraged by them via their ministry to us.

The end of 2009, ready for 2010!

2010-01-02T14:55:00.003-06:00

Today I look back at 2009 thinking what did I learn from the Lord this past year. I love to put down a key reference point of what God has taught me, many times through trial, for each year I've been a Christian.

As I ponder from 2008 when God showed me many times over how to CARE for people at a very different humble level. That year I helped my dear 81 year old neighbor, Alice, literally wash the hair off her head after he first rounds of chemo in early 2008 to watch the vibrant independent woman she was gracefully pass away October 30th of 2008, just 8 months after being diagnosed with lung cancer.

And to the helping of 10 couples in 2008 break strongholds in their life that was destroying intimacy in their marriages, spiritually, emotionally and physically. All of these experiences in 2008 helped me see why God wants us, his people, caring for the needs of others. The physical, emotional and spiritual needs of others. I thank God for that year of learning how to CARE.

But now looking back to 2009 I'm putting together my thoughts as to what God has shown me for this year. Something that truly stands out above all previous learning.

We can see his hand in working us out of full time employment and into full time ministry...someday sooner than our plan would have been. We again worked with 10 new crisis or semi-crisis couples in 2009. We can see his hand in our lives on the down hill slope, as my husband Roger and I turned 50 together in early 2009. The kids even threw us a "100th" Surprise Birthday Party to celebrate! We love parties.

What comes to mind is: Christ with ME. Based on my study from the end of the year, I think I can say I've truly learned how to take Christ into every area of my life.

Immanuel ~ God is with me.

I then read this scripture and poem known as St Patrick's Breastplate:

Psalm139:7-10
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presences?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

Psalm 139:11-12

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

Famous Fourth-Century prayer known as:

St. Patrick’s Breastplate

Christ be beside me, Christ be before me,
Christ be behind me, King of my heart;
Christ be within me, Christ be below me,
Christ be above me, never to part.

Christ on my right hand,
Christ on my left hand,
Christ all around me, shield in the strife;
Christ in my sleeping, Christ in my sitting,
Christ in my rising, light of my life.

Christ be beside me, Christ be before me,
Christ be behind me, King of my heart;
Christ be within me, Christ be below me,
Christ be above me, never to part.

Today, I thank God for never leaving me.

I've listed the years I've kept track of for you to encourage you to ponder what the Lord has taught you these past years. I look it as a way to LEARN and not have to be taught the same thing through MORE trials let alone errors.

1990 Success the World’s Way
1991 Success My Way
1992 Drifting Marriage
1993 PRAYER, How to’s and why to’s
One baby to heaven
1994 Forgiveness
1995 Breaking Strongholds
Forgiveness Level Two
Baby Two to heaven
The Blessing of Children
1996 Beginning of on purpose “Lay Ministry”
1997 OBEDIENCE
Retirement of 20-year Business career
1998 Abraham’s FAITH
Money is the Lord’s
Wedding Covenant
Jessica & Ty get married!
1999 Letting Go to God, Children, finances
My first LOVE, God, Jesus & HS
2000 Legalism vs. Grace
Discipling my children
Starting Home School
Jacob Roger Hickok born - 1st grandson!
2001 WORSHIP – Corporately and Personally
2002 HUMILITY, to be like Christ
2003 PEACE
Collin Vincent Hickok ~ 2nd Grandson born!
2004 JOY
2005 Knowledge vs. God’s Word
2006 The Authority of the church & it’s leaders
Submitting to Authority
2007 Nothing happens to us that is not FILTERED THROUGH OUR FATHER’s
HANDS
Kurt & Kayla get Married!
Easton Dale Friesen ~ 3rd Grandson Born!
2008 How to CARE about people
2009 Christ with me.
Sadie & Ethan get married!

Miss Mary’s life: A memorable journey - Hannibal, MO - Hannibal Courier-Post

2009-12-15T09:20:00.002-06:00

My Girlfriend, Shelly from MO visited Hannibal, MO this past weekend. Shelly and her sister Debbie visited a nursing home where their Aunt Sylvia lives. The planned for a nice Christmas visitation with all of the elderly residents and have done this for several years now. Many of them look forward to seeing them visit each Christmas season, that is if they remember them.

At the nursing home in Hannibal, Shelly & Debbie met a very outgoing, positive and somewhat feisty older lady that claimed to be 106 years old. When the nurses verified that she was in fact that age, Debbie also found this very insightful article in the archives of the Hannibal Courier Post about Ms. Mary Carter, age 106. Seems Ms. Mary must have recently moved into the nursing home in Hannibal.

I challenge you to listen to the short video at the end of the article to get inspired about living a positive "happy" life for Jesus! It will make you smile and remind you to be thankful you are "alive!"

Miss Mary’s life: A memorable journey - Hannibal, MO - Hannibal Courier-Post

Posted using ShareThis

Husband #2 ????

2009-12-15T07:53:00.005-06:00

Okay, I can't stand "The way things ARE today." I am totally sick of the commercial for the newly released antacid medicine. The actress in the commercial claims to be out on a date with a guy that is "really bringing it." She on the other hand, "has got nothin'." She then takes this medication, another pill to feel better, and then she gets "husband number two!" It's totally the excitement of the number two or second husband she has, as if there will be a three and four.

I've always said that it seems that even in well meaning churches there is more emphasis on DivorceCare type ministries than there is on "Reconciliation CARE" We live in such a disposable society. One that even elevates the idea of just getting a new husband. I thank God daily that we have been taught and continue to teach others that they don't need a new spouse, they NEED a NEW marriage.

Why take all of the issues from your first marriage into your second, third or fourth marriage. Why not work on the issues you have and learn to love as Christ taught us to do. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. And women are admonished to teach the younger women to love their husbands. In this, it seems as though it is something we need to learn to do. It's not basing love on an emotion that just happens. It's a deep love that brings up a wonderful emotion.

I pray today that anyone reading this will not look to spouse #2, 3, or 4 to find the love and joy that God intends for "the wife of your youth." Reconciliation can be a wonderful lifelong marriage of happiness, this I live daily. Thank-you Lord for restoring my marriage back on February 12, 1995! I'll never forget what the Lord has done for us.

Dr. Oz at it again

2009-12-07T13:42:00.001-06:00

Today I was doing laundry again and listened in to Dr. Oz again. He is doing the second round of his "National Sex Experiment" in marriages. He's outlined a few more things to
"help get America restarted in the bedroom." Remember in my earlier post that he says there is a problem with lack of intimacy in American couples, married ones, these days. He says it's in epidemic proportion in America. DUH, I say. As we move farther and farther away from calling sin a sin, it's no wonder that the sin of bitterness and laziness and selfishness is taking over in the bedroom. We need to forgive, get rid of bitterness and laziness and let go of our selfishness in order to be able to open our emotions up to intimacy. The gal on Dr. Oz's show today, a sex therapist said, "You can change the color of paint in your bedroom to make it more, " alluring was what she was suggesting. She also said that a couple should practice acting out a fantasy, maybe with costumes if necessary!

I say, what about just loving one another in a way that is intimate in and out of the bedroom. Love with an intimacy that God loves with. Emotional connection that looks forward to being together, at all hours, and not just in the bedroom. This can and will happen when you lay your "issues" down at Jesus feet, accept the emotional pain and consequences and learn to love as God loves; unconditional, romantic, passionate and holy.

We have been mentoring some couples this year, where their marriages have gone from zero and one's on the scale of 1-10, 10 being great to 6, 7, & 8's all by using the "Heart Care" method of forgiveness and laying things down at Jesus feet. So much emotional intimacy is dormant behind the walls of bitterness, pride, moral failure, negative thoughts, generational sin, sinful habits, hypocrisy, and the like. I'm thankful that God is a forgiving God and he restores the years the locust have eaten in all lives who surrender to Him!

Less Stress

2009-11-11T22:08:00.002-06:00

As I have watched the Dr. Oz show off and on, I have found some useful tips I'd like to pass on a more importantly, remember myself.

His 4 big ideas to have less stress in your life were:

Discontinue Caffeine

Cut back or discontinue sugar intake

Add Vitamin C to your diet

Increase Endorphins by: Exercising, Meditation & Deep Breathing

How interesting. Eating right has always been a challenge for us in America. God created food from the ground for us to eat, but why do we always seem to go for the highly sugar added, fried in grease, chemically processed or enhanced with preservatives food? Oh how good it would be to eat only the good things for me. I look forward to eating more from the land we live on each year. Next year we plan to plant fruit trees to eat from and sell at our Farmer's Market in Springfield.

Then there is adding that Vitamin C. I believe that a person needs to get out in great outdoors and get the serotonin from the sun every day. I find it so rewarding and encouraging to my mental health to get outside with God's living creation daily. Thanks Lord, for the great property you allow us to care for. I pray you will give us the means to pay for the extra $800 each month we are going to have to pay in taxes this next year. YEP, our property tax in Sarpy County, NE went up 333%. Talk about taxation with out representation. Pathetic.

Okay, back to the list of stress relievers that I desperately need this year. Hmmm, endorphins increase. Did you know making love to your spouse increases endorphins that produce a healthy body? Yep. And about the meditation, what about daily prayer, memorizing the word, studying the word and just "Being still and knowing that HE is God." I think meditating on his word is a very useful practice to understanding God's will, and lining up with it. When I first learned how to meditate on his word several years ago, I was amazed how God gave me direction, comfort and peace in knowing and completing his plan. He also gave me the "next right thing to do," each day!

And to think people are all in a flurry about how wonderful Yoga is these days, like it's a new practice for great health. I think God designed a perfect idea for great health. Meditating on his word makes so much more great sense compared to the Eastern Religion idea of emptying your mind and finding peace from within. God tells us always to renew our minds. Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

I must take time to reduce stress by renewing my mind right now! Add deep breath here - in through the nose and out through the mouth.

Are Women in America Unhappy?

2009-11-03T10:39:00.003-06:00

Today, still doing laundry, Rachel Ray told viewers on her show that statistics show women in America are unhappier today than in previous decades. She went on to state that we have more power, more business success and more women in the work force, yet we are not as happy. She said, "Why is that?"

Well I'd love to answer that Rachel. I think we have made a shift away from what God intended for Marriage and Family. While women have lots of opportunities, many women take advantage of that and in the long run end up doing jobs that require a lot of their time and energy, pulling them away from the their families and definitely not encouraging oneness in their marriage relationships. Am I saying it's wrong to work outside the home? NO, but make sure it doesn't interfere with your number one priority as a Mom and Wife, to be the intended helper/homemaker of your family. If it does, it may not be a good choice for your family.

My husband will say that many times women excel at work because they do not get the encouragement from husbands at home. People even compliment what a woman wears in the workplace. I've always said, I think women dress up for other women. We get many of our compliments from each other and look forward to impressing our girl friends. However, if you put together a day with; an argument with your husband left over from the night before and a boss or other male co-worker complimenting the way you dress then you may have a recipe for success for Satan to get in and cause problems in a marriage.

Satan's goal is to break up a marriage. In doing that, he will break up a family, which in turn breaks up a church and as many societies before us have disintegrated, so will America, our country. Satan hates any thing of God touches. God created the institution of marriage, the church, and the family. We must fight for our families and not let being busy cause us to drift from a happy and fulfilling marriage, family, church and country.

So back to why they are unhappy. Could it be that women have taken on too much or too many tasks we were not created to handle. Are we working to buy stuff we don't need to end up working a job we don't like and hauling things to the curb for the Disabled Veteran van to pick-up things we no longer need, want or have time to use?

Sometimes you have to get off the wagon of bad habits. Take time to be the Mom you want to be. Which usually lines up more to the Mom God wants you to be. I've worked with SO many women that end up working just to pay the bills and they hate it. Many times women are making more than their husbands, who in the long run tend to lose self esteem by having a higher paid wife.

Remember this little quote..."If Satan can't make you bad, he will work to make you busy." Too busy to take care of a family and marriage relationship. Then breakdown happens. Make time for God, Your Husband, Your Children and You, each day in this order and you will find more recipe for happiness. Keep your priorities in the right order for success. Learn to serve God your spouse and your family to find joy and blessing each and every day!

Marriage & Sex & My Laundry

2009-11-03T09:56:00.002-06:00

This week is laundry week. As I fold, hang-up and iron I get to hear much of the morning talk shows. Yesterday, Dr. Oz said that "Americans prioritize everything above their romantic partners – and as a result, the country is in the midst of a sexual famine." He put out a challenge for an experiment to help couples across America. While I don't line up totally with Dr. Oz's Eastern Religion influence, I do believe he has very good points to be made. AND many of the tip in this challenge would do all marriage some good. Such as the first challenge of just holding and cuddling (non-sexual touching) for 10 minutes each weeks. We suggest this all the time to heal marriages and help them find oneness.

http://www.doctoroz.com/challenge/national-sex-experiment

Check it out for your marriage!

Our Daugther's Wedding Day

2009-10-27T13:12:00.008-05:00

Our daughter's wedding was a wedding created with Christ at the center and dedicated to our heavenly Father on October 24th in the year of our Lord, 2009. I find it very interesting that Sadie's Great Grandmother, Sadie Bertha Bartsch's, wedding certificate to Jacob Bartsch from Cottonwood County in the State of Minnesota is recorded like this:

I hereby certify that on the 19th day of August in the year of our Lord one thousand nine hundred and thirty three at the home in said County. The undersigned, a minister of the gospel did join in the holy bonds of Matrimony according to the laws of this State. Jacob H. Bartsch ...and Sadie Bertha Wiegold...

Imagine, in these days how much the State of Minnesota would get attacked for having certificates that imply that marriage in such a Christ centered event...in the year of OUR LORD!

I'm thankful that here in America we can still rent a ballroom and have a Christ-centered Wedding between to followers of Jesus Christ. Two families in Jesus coming together. What a wonderful day it was. One of the highlights definately was having a first communion with Sadie and Ethan as a new family unit. The six of us, Ethan's parents and us along with the newlyweds broke the bread symbolizes Christ body and shared the "cup" symbolizing Jesus' shed blood for us. We actually dipped the bread in the cup, eat in remembrance of Him. Then the Father's prayed and Pastor Jeff closed the prayer as we all wept in thanksgiving to Him for bringing not only our "kids" together as one, but for what Christ did for all of us that have accepted his death on a cross as our salvation for eternal life. What a day of rejoicing that will be.

Then, there was the reception next door in the ballroom. Dancing, cake cutting, pink flowers and pink twinkle lights, a candy table with a Bridal shot with Sadie's favorite Grand Champion Chicken Mary on the it, food, fellowship and Bridesmaid's dancing! Sounds like a party to me.

What does America think is funny?

2009-10-07T22:52:00.005-05:00

As I was ironing a table cloth today I was listening the TV. It announced upcoming shows for fall on the ABC network, with the catch phrase "Laugh with America" on ABC or something to that effect. The very next clip was a show in which the mother character says to someone younger than them, "You can ask any question you want?" To which the young lady replies back, "How many men have you slept with?" I stopped my ironing to look up at the TV in dismay, wondering "Why does AMERICA think that is funny?"

I went on to hear Actor Chris Rice talk of his new documentary on the VIEW. His documentary shows how black women spends millions of dollars each year on their hair and that in comparison with percentages is much higher than white women. Why that is worth documenting I'm not sure, but he then made a statement regarding David Letterman's recent plight of having affairs with his staff - If people make you angry you can call the police, if the but if you make your wife angry, "There ain't no one you can call!"

Which makes me think of this past few months and how we have worked with many couples to help resolves the "issues" they have between them that has stiffled thier marriage happiness.

Our 2nd Daughter to Marry

2009-10-07T11:41:00.004-05:00

Our middle daughter and 3rd child in the birth order, Sadie Elizabeth, will marry her first and only boyfriend, from her Jr. High youth group, Ethan Hall. We are thrilled to celebrate this union October 24, 2009. They started their courtship last fall with a phone call to Roger from Ethan to court and seek to marry his daughter. The have bought an adorable little home in the heart of Omaha and are ready for a lifetime of love & commitment to one another In Christ.

The Silent Year...and one month

2009-10-07T10:54:00.004-05:00

The silent year. Is this similar to the 400 silent years between the old and the new testament or maybe the 40 years that Israelites wander in the wilderness? To that I am not sure. I just know that our ministry has taken a huge turn since our last post in August of 2008.

We now find ourselves in the middle of New Membership classes at a new "Missionally Focused" church that meets in the center of our city, 30 minutes for our property. The end of January 2009 we felt very confident to leave the church we had been attending for 7 years. It was so neat how God defined our leaving within one single moment. It was an answer to prayer that God let us see beyond a shadow of a doubt to understand that our teaching and leading to the fact the marriage is a VERY spiritual institution, became the polar opposite of the way the church we were attending saw ministering to marriages. Are they wrong? Not necessarily, we just were confident God was taking us out.

Since leaving behind the marriage ministry that God allowed us to build at a local church 20 couples thus far, have called, emailed or come to us asking for marriage help. Help either in premarital coaching, direction, mentoring or most of the time, "crisis" help. Many marriage have come to us on their last leg. Many very close to ending. It has been no only a privilege but a blessing to see some of the marriages we have worked with see actual miracles happen in their marriages. God has helped us to help them unlock hearts and reconnect them in a way only Jesus forgiveness and abundant grace and healing can repair.

Isaiah 58:8 (New International Version)
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard

With that being said, (A true Mark Driscoll cliche') we have been doing lot's a marriage mentoring. We are also working slowly toward starting a faith based non-profit marriage ministry. We hope this ministry will help serve our very first vision..."To see the decrease of divorce in our local communities." PRAISE God he is directing our path. More news to come.

PREP or Not Prep?

2008-08-26T15:25:00.001-05:00

Last week we met two very GODLY couples, just in the PREP stage of their relationship. PREP describing a relationship moving toward marriage with no engagement or wedding date set. Both of the these couples, one from very inside our church and one from another area church are excited about being placed with a PREP coach to study what God's word says about marriage and learn tips to strengthen their couple relationship... how REFRESHING... now on to Jack & Jill's would be friends...

...Ann & Andy (as we will name this couple)...they called tonight having heard about our marriage mentoring program from her boss, and elder at our church. Ann & Andy are living together and getting married next June. They are VERY excited about going through our Premarital Coaching program and then on to our Marriage Mentoring after their wedding next year. I told them we have a very comprehensive marriage mentoring program. It starts out studying HOW GOD suggests to "do marriage together," then pairs you with a second mentor after the wedding that helps you be accountable to "doing marriage with Christ at the center."

Is this a test to see how we will handle couples that are living together? I say no, it's just the Lord reminding us to meet our couples where they are and show them Christ's love like the woman caught in adultery, John 8:11 states that even Jesus himself does not condemn this woman. I think we must choose love, pointing out truth in love and condemn no more...yes, Mike, dropping our stones all together.

So pray for us as we yet again work with another couple, eager to marry, yet choosing to live together as the world (Hollywood especially) has taught them. We pray that our words and love will be used of God to transform unbelievers and believers alike, to raise the standards in their lives and live above reproach and choose purity all the way to the altar, thus SOS, Serving Our Savior.

To Marry or Not Marry Debate

2008-08-14T15:58:00.002-05:00

My husband and I have a lay ministry within our local church that pairs premarital and pre-engagement couples with Premarital Coaches from our church family that can take the younger couple through 6 sessions from a book by FamilyLife, Preparing For Marriage. Couples have been known to come to us for marriage training and to learn what God says about marriage in various stages of their relationships with each other.

At our Mentor Workshop this past Sunday, a certain situation with one couple was the highlight of some spirited debate. This debate is TO BE CONTINUED, as we ask each Mentor on our team to take this situation to prayer, as we come back in one month to discuss a plan for us to work together with Pastors on just this very subject, one that we think we will be seeing more and more of. Please read the story below.

Jack & Jill, (as we will name them) came to us in these past few months via our local church. They are engaged and desiring to marry in just a few short months. A date has been picked and wedding plans are well on their way when we first meet with them. The groom-to-be leaves for deployment with the Armed services 60 days after we get their information and doesn’t return until two weeks before the wedding date. So, in their case, we have a lot of sessions to cover in a short amount of time. Our church had not even had time to meet with them before our ministry kicked in to full speed ahead.

Jack & Jill currently live together and are not hiding the fact. We (my husband and I) believe that today’s culture and Hollywood, lead most people to just believe that it is a way of life these days. Most think it’s a way of life for all people, including Christians. We, on the other hand are very clear about what Scripture states about keeping pure before the wedding. We have all of our couples study a section in our premarital book about purity. We have them sign a purity covenant at the time that it is understood and they are ready to accept it. We use several scriptures to plead God’s case for purity; 1Thessalonians 4:3-8, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Acts 24:16, 2 Timothy 2:22, Exodus 20:14, Ephesians 1:4, 1 Peter 1:14-16 to name a few.

Back specifically to the case of Jack & Jill…

Jack and Jill filled out a Groundwork deck of information before they met with us. Both checked, “Sort of certain,” in the box under the question, “How sure are you that you are going to Heaven when you die?” The choices were; Absolutely Certain, Sort of Certain, Not Certain at all. We feel very confident that in the first couple of sessions in which we met with them, that we were able to secure their understanding of the Gospel by taking them through “The Four Spiritual Laws,” as written in the back of our premarital book, Preparing For Marriage. In fact we believe that this was very new information for Jack and that during this time he did accept Jesus Christ as his personal savior. Jill had known Jesus as a child, but had slipped away from her faith, and was concerned that she would not be forgiven.

One of our Coach couples helped do two of the Sessions with Jack & Jill. It is our hope that this coach couple would Mentor this couple for the one-year period after marriage. This is part of the second part of the Marriage Mentoring program that we have established at our local church. It is this Coach couple’s view that we are rushing Jack & Jill through the program and condoning their sin of living together. My husband I feel that given the time frame we had to work with, that we are rushing it through for the date of the wedding’s sake. It is not our suggested way to do Premarital Coaching.

At this point Jack & Jill had not met with one of the Pastor’s that would be marrying them. Pastors at our church will marry equally yoked couple’s only. That would be two professing Christians or two non-Christians, but not one of each. When the pastor marrying Jack & Jill met with them, he felt confident that they both had accepted Christ as their Savior. He also suggested that for the two weeks after Jack returns from deployment, that one of them should move out and live with a friend.

My questions to you are: How do you feel about couples living together? Should our Pastors not marry them? Should we shun them? Or should we hide our heads in the sand?

We look at it very simply. WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? He would probably agree with their sin, and tell them to “GO AND SIN NO MORE.” But, would Jesus want us to judge them if they continue in their sin? I say, not my place. My place is to love them unconditionally, point them to the truth and allow God to work in their life. This allows us to keep an open bridge to our local church with them.

My husband firmly believes that had we turned them away, they would not be on the path to growing more Christlike today. They are hoping to stay pure until the wedding, but are open to say it's been a struggle... DUH. However, we would like to love them first, while pointing out the complications of not being above reproach and that they are lowering their percentage of staying together and not divorcing by 50%, meaning that they have a 25% chance of NOT divorcing according to cohabitating.org

So, we stopped the conversation to say, one; we would pray together about what to do, how to respond, and two; how to approach our Local Church Pastors with the loop holes they are leaving, etc. We don't have to stand before God and marry them, but we are accountable to what the local church requires. We are reminded that this has been a process of perfecting as before this ministry this specific church had no premarital program. Each Pastor did their own Premarital Counseling with the couples they would marry. Many times this would be two sessions or less.

Our Thoughts On Couples Who Have Coupled Too Soon

2008-08-11T15:17:00.000-05:00

As couples grow closer to each other emotionally and spiritually, the natural response is to move closer to each other physically. God intends this area of our lives to be enjoyed to the fullest, but within the context of marriage.

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 (NIV)

From the world's viewpoint, maintaining sexual purity before marriage seems like a cruel and unusual punishment. Many people consider it strange if a couple does not sleep together before they are married. "After all," they say, "shouldn't they find otu whether or not they are sexually compatible?"

We live in a promiscuous age in which people promote safe, protected sex yet ignore the terrible damage that sex outside of God's provision of marriage does to the human heart. An entire generation is marrying and re-marrying with deep wounds and scars caused by its past choices.

The consequences of premarital sex include:

Lack of fulfillment
Inability to respond physically in marriage
Financial loss
Loss of spiritual interest
Loss of communication
Distrust/Dishonesty
Lack of respect for one another
Lack of sympathy
Rejection by one another
Conflict with one another
Blame
Guilt

Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call ont eh Lord out of a pure heart. II Timothy 2:22 (NIV)

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9 (NIV)

Here is where you will find a warfare prayer. Praying this powerful prayer will break the stronghold of premarital sex. This prayer can be used to take back the ground given to sin, no matter how long ago it took place.

Heavenly Father,

I come before you with a desire to make sure that old things are set right and to drive away the influence that was assigned to me by my enemy Satan after my sin. My desire is to confess my sin and fully repent before you, and to reset the devil in the authority of Jesus Christ in order to take back the ground I gave in my wrongdoing. Father, I come before you in the name above all names, Jesus Christ. Lord, I confess the sin of premarital sexual encounter(s). I am foolish, prideful, lustful and wrong. It was evil in your sight. I am sorry, I am repentant, and like David I ask that you create a new heart in me.

Thank you for the privilege of confession and thank you for the gift of forgiveness. Thank you for choosing to remember my sin no more. I also want to come against the enemies of Christ that were assigned to harass me because of the ground I gave to the devil through sexual sin. I reclaim the ground that ground in the power of Jesus Christ and I come against the bitterness that could result in my marriage. Satan, I know what you are about and I resist in the power of the resurrected Lord. I have authority in the blood of Christ. To those who were a part of the foothold, BE GONE. That ground is no more.

Thank you Lord for allowing me to be more than conquerors. And, thank you for this victory.

In Jesus name,
Amen

Congratulations Aaron & Brianna!

2008-04-10T14:02:00.002-05:00

Pre-marital mentees Aaron Johnson and Brianna Gulbrandson didn’t quite know where to take their relationship next, but as it turns out, they knew exactly who to ask.

Brianna explains, “Aaron has always been really good at praying. Even when he was in Iraq, I remember listening to many prayers across the phone lines. His trait of always turning to God in prayer started to impact my life as I saw my prayer life continue to grow. When he finally settled down in Omaha this summer, we started attending Brookside Church together. Along with many other areas of involvement, we were excited to see that they had a marriage ministry (of course, we weren't going to put ourselves through 9 months of torture being half-a-world apart if we weren't considering the other for a marriage partner).

Being new to a church the size of Brookside, we didn't really know where to go or if pre-engagement counseling was really what we needed to do. However, we still wanted to be sure that God was leading us to marriage. So one day, I thought to myself...why not pray about it?! (Aaron is always saying to me, ‘...well, let's just pray about it and see what God has to say about it!’) I remember kneeling down and asking God to give Aaron a clear cut sign. Please just make it so obvious that this is the direction that you are leading us that we can't ignore it! I just wanted to make sure that we were doing stuff right!

Not more than three days later, Aaron and I were getting up to leave the church service when the lady (Denise Friesen) in front of us, just dropped her books all over us! And guess which one landed at Aaron's feet? "Preparing for Marriage!” I mean do we really need a bigger sign that that?!

After a few sessions with our mentor couple, Mark & Deb Schiffmann, we are confident in knowing that God is leading us to marriage. Now we are engaged and looking forward to a May wedding!”

Aaron and Brianna are currently preparing for their May 10, 2008 wedding which will take place at Cedar Covenant Camp in Hordeville, NE. Congratulations to them both!

Marriage PREP

2008-04-10T13:47:00.007-05:00

Titus 2 Marriage Mentoring
Premarital Coaching
& Engagement Prep

We appreciate the opportunity to describe what our Pre-Engagement Prep, Premarital Coaching and Titus 2 Mentoring Ministry at Brookside can do for your future marriage. First, we have a team of specially trained couples, one of which will go through the 6 sessions in the book Preparing for Marriage. Initially, to cover this material a coach couple meets with you every two weeks.

You will study Why God designed marriage, God's Equation For marriage (When 1 + 1 = 1), Authentic Communication in marriage, and Roles & Responsibilities: Moving Beyond the Cultural Stereotypes. This book also has a section just for you, the section is moving from "Do I?" to "I Do!" or "I Don't." This section helps you to make a Biblical decision as to whether God is leading you two to marriage.

You can purchase these books from Brookside for $12 each, and we recommend that you each have your own book to fill out and study from. We will have these books available for you when you come to your first meeting.

We ask that you each fill out a deck of information called Pre Engagement Prep Groundwork. We would like you to fill this information out completely and bring it to our first meeting together. We use this information to help us come along side you and get to know you better for our Coaching. Please know that all the material is held very confidential.
If you should decide that God is leading the two of your toward engagement, we would have you do two more sessions with your PREP, now Premarital Coach, close to the wedding date. These sessions cover Finances and Intimacy in marriage.

Our Titus 2 Marriage Mentoring part of the program pairs you with another older Couple that meets with you for the first year after the wedding, should you proceed to engagement. At this point, Brookside Marriage Ministry presents the newlywed couple with a Dennis Rainey book “Starting Your Marriage Right,” as a token of our commitment to help your marriage start off strong. This book is the perfect book for the newlywed couple and our Marriage Mentor Couple to discuss as they get together their first year of marriage. We also have quarterly get-togethers where young couples meet others in their stage of life and fellowship with other Mentors.

We believe so strongly in the Titus 2 message of the older generation teaching the younger generation that we have formed this ministry to aid newlyweds, not so newlyweds, pre-engaged couples, engaged couples and even oldie-weds. Yes, everyone has someone older that they can learn from as they travel through many different stages of life.

We trust that this Ministry will prove to be of special value to you. We will be praying for the two of you as you explore what we feel is one of the most important institutions ordained by God, that of marriage!

Serving our Savior, Roger & Denise Friesen 402-253-2355 denisemfriesen@msn.com

Do I? I Do? I Don't!

2008-04-10T13:32:00.002-05:00

We've heard it all. We have been mentoring marriages and pre-marriages for 15+ years. Because of the glory of God that we have seen take place in so many instances, we continue on in our marriage and family ministry. As this ministry continues to expand, we are training mentors and putting people in place to help other out. We've been married 25 years and we have four children, so we've seen it all (almost!). If you are interested in serving in our ministry or if you need our assistance, please contact us.

Serving our Savior,
Roger & Denise Friesen